Of course there are things I wish I had done differently, particularly... especially during Gavin’s last illness. Because I did all I knew how to do, but I now know more about things, in particular.

He didn’t sleep well at all for the last few years of his life, and he had… he was prescribed Temazepam which was... I did not know until later, nobody told me, can be a depressive if you take it constantly. So he didn’t need that, did he? And also, it... after a time it didn’t work too well. So for the last few years of his life he was having awful trouble sleeping. Depressed for the last six months when he was ill.

Now I don’t sleep too well. I have a regime of sleeping pills which I have orchestrated brilliantly. I know exactly what each one does so that I don’t take too many of them and so on and so on. And if I’d been as clever with my... with his pills as I have been with mine I could have made his last six months so much better because I know a bit more now about the despair you get when you haven’t slept. And I was dutifully doing what the doctor had said, and even when the kids were in school I was much more inclined to take the school’s view of what was going wrong, and Gavin fought the boys' corner much better than I did because he wasn’t... oh, I don’t know whether it’s being a school master’s daughter. I tend to think that they perhaps know best. And they don’t. But as far as drink goes, yes of course, we do drink too much. But a lot of people in that era did and they were great times to live in and yes, we could have handled the end decades better, but do I wish we had always been teetotallers? Well I’ve met some, you know. They don’t have much of a good time.